


sick of losing soulmates

by rzbrrii



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Aromantic, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:39:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9100780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rzbrrii/pseuds/rzbrrii
Summary: “Having a soulmate was a honor and a privilege,” I was told. “Something to take pride in and cherish,” I was told as my mother, when I was young, presented me my mirror telling me that the reflection I saw was the person who would fill my heart, who would finally make me truly happy 	“But I'm happy now mom.”





	1. Chapter 1

“Having a soulmate was a honor and a privilege,” I was told. “Something to take pride in and cherish,” I was told as my mother, when I was young, presented me my mirror telling me that the reflection I saw was the person who would fill my heart, who would finally make me truly happy 

“But I'm happy now mom.” I believed that strongly even at only four. My mother had smiled patiently.

“You don't know the meaning of happiness darling.” It was a statement that would be told to me repetitively throughout my life and, to be entirely honest, it made my angry. I was never one to like relying on others. I began to hate my soulmate.

“Mirrors were a deeply private possession.” I was told at the age of eight when i asked my mom to look at mine. At the age of 18 i was the only one to ever see it. I guess that's how it was for everyone. I think about this as I lie on my blue comforter and stare at the face of my reflection. He was masculine looking, but without the aggressive undertone that tends to go along with such a look. His eyes hold a soft expression of laughter and caring and his lips are set in a soft smile even when he’s not truly smiling.

I wonder what his reflection looks like. I was never a smiley person. My mouth in generally set in a mild frown or straight line. I am a person of calm and logic, the energy behind my eyes reflects that and therefore contrasts him. I wonder what he thinks when he looks at me. My instincts tell me he is typical: daydreaming about our wedding and first date. I have never wanted that. I hated him when I was younger but I suppose it's not his fault. He has done nothing to deserve a broken heart. I had decided a long time ago to avoid him at all cost, if i see him i will say nothing. I hope i only see him once.


	2. Chapter 2

I waited silently, suitcase in hand, as the train rolled into the station. I bored at sat across a table from a kindly looking older woman with curly hair. I would have sat alone had the train not been so crowded, but it was so i avoid eye contact and say nothing. Making conversation had never been my favorite pastime. 

Being as shy as i am is a vicious cycle. I can already feel her judging me for looking away. (im sure she is even if her smile hasn’t changed) which does not make me more inclined to talk to the person who now hates me. 

I take a book out of my bag and read until we approach the next station. The train slows and i basically ignore its stop, as i will not be exiting for hours more. A few people board on our car and the empty seat me is filled. Although i am quite tall the man who sits next to me is several inches taller. His hair is slicked back messily so that what i assume must have once been bangs stuck straight up in a bird-like crest. His similarity to birds ended there, however, because the rest of him was large, and boxy with rounded edges; He is muscular but with a familiar comfort to his aura that contrasts the fact he could probably beat the crap out of me if he wanted to. 

I look away just as i did to the old woman, glancing at him through the corner of my eye. He turns towards me as though to start a conversation and i make recognize him. Fuck. FUCK. my soulmate was sitting across from me. I turn around in a hurry but he doesn't seem to get the message 

“Hey um, yeah, ‘scuse me but i'm Lukas, what’s your..” he taps me gently in the shoulders. I whip around as briefly as possibly, heart pounding with anxiety. 

“ I don’t want to talk” I snap, enunciating so hard i spit on his face slightly. We make accidentally eye contact and i can see the hurt on his face turn to recognition then glee while my stomach knots with dread. 

“Oh um, that's fine then but the.. The thing is.. I think you might be my soulmate” You can see him swallowing his fear as he says it. I feel bad crushing his heart. 

“No i'm sorry you have the wrong person” My blatant lie is clipped and awkward and probably obvious

“Oh” He grimaces “ ah.. Are you sure?” 

“Yes” I reply quickly and his confidence wavers. 

“Alright” his voice cracks and tears well at the edges of his eyes. They are sky blue and remind me of river that ran along my old elementary school. This must be what people mean when they say your soulmate will feel like home. He reminds me of everything i have ever found safety in. 

This was supposed to be easy. I shake my head to myself as the man i am now staring at blankly takes a deck of card and sets up a game of solitaire on the table, ignoring the tears pouring down his cheeks much better than i am, and it dawns on me both that   
A) I will have to sit next to him for a six hour train ride and..  
B)The old lady across the table has been watching, probably mentally eating popcorn 

I sigh and swear under my breathe as i turn to face forward “fuck” and my voice shakes. Soon i am crying as silently as he is. I don’t understand: I didn’t want this. In a moment of weakness i try and speak again 

“ I'm sorry” I whimper shamefully but at the same time he interrupts

“ Are you alright? ” his voice is soft and caring

“ i didn’t want this” I’m shaking 

“Huh?” 

“ I wasn’t supposed to meet you. You were supposed to be avoidable” i'm getting angry now. 

“You’re right okay!” I scream. Lukas jumps, taken aback. The entire car is staring at me. Lukas is smiling tearfully. 

“Well that's great darling” He leans forward and caresses my face. 

“ I don’t want to kiss you” I yell again and force passed him grabbing my suitcase as the 

Train rolls to a halt. I sprint out the door and lukas sprints after me. Soon we are standing out at the platform as the train rolls away. Lukas is panting next to me. 

“Fuck” I swear again (Today is a day of swearing i suppose) 

“What?” He asks breathlessly

“This isn’t my stop” 

He laughs, regaining his optimistic tone. “Well you’re lucky it's mine. Come on!” he says with a large smile as he marches down the platform, gesturing for me to follow. I do

“ So what’s your name, beautiful?” He asks. I glare at him. 

“Not ‘Beautiful’” i respond scathingly. 

“So it is…..:” He is undeterred. I Sigh deeply 

“Riley” 

“Nice to Meetcha Ri’z”

“Riley” 

“Alright alright” He turns around and grasps my hand in his 

“It's lovely to meet you Riley”


	3. Chapter 3

We hop in an Uber that Lukas had called and he immediately begins telling the driver his life story and how wonderful his day has been. I am left with time to contemplate. 

I had been told many times in my life, upon revealing my distaste in soulmates, that I was either selfish or stupid, depending on who i spoke to. For selfishness the logic went that I was robbing my soulmate of his life by not wanting him and for stupidity that I was robbing myself. That I would meet him and see stars and change my mind instantly. I had always kinda hoped that would be true. 

I was always shy growing up, bordering on “Selectively Mute” to quote several medical professionals, and in all honesty I'm still shy now. I had always shied away from small talk and therefore never made many friends. But, that had never been bothered as i had wanted a deeper relationship. Upon that revelation, many a therapist had told me I ought to be thrilled I had someone supposedly guaranteed to like me. 

“But that's the thing” I would argue back “ They're not” 

Soulmates are work and you can fuck it up. That seems to be exactly what i am currently doing as the car pulls to a stop and Lukas taps on my shoulder for attention. 

“ Come on” He yells as i turn towards him. He is somehow already at the trunk pulling out our suitcases; his a black box on wheels and mine a patched old leather one. He hands it to my and asks 

“ So what's with the vintage suitcase ?”

“ I found it at a thrift store” 

“ You like those then?” he’s making small talk 

“ I like old things, They tell stories” I respond 

“ Is that why the hair clip?” he asks, gesturing to the pearls holding back my bangs. 

“ Basically. it was my mom's” I answer. He nods and suddenly the conversation feels like more than small talk. 

“ I like old things too” He smiles “I like the smell of old books and dust. I was a history major” He laughs “Never did anything with it though” 

“ Does anyone do anything with a history major?” i say dryly and hope the joke gets across 

“ Well usually they do more than run a bakery” he states, hurt slightly. The joke didn’t get across

“You bake?” I try and move the conversation away from my accidental insult. 

“ Yeah! Do you?” 

“ Not usually, I like sugar though” 

“ Well i have plenty of that” He chuckles. We have now walked up a driveway and too a small apartment building and into the elevator. Lukas presses the 3 button, the highest one there is. And we stand in comfortable silence. 

“ Do you have a roommate?” I ask. I am not hoping to meet anyone else new today. 

“ only if you want to!” he interrupts and i stare at him

“ Um.. maybe” I chuckle awkwardly and Lukas goes apologetic. 

“ Ah yeah of course, of course” He laughs too loud in embarrassment. 

I sigh “ It's fine” 

He sighs back in relief “Are you in college?” he asks, reverting too small talk again

“ No” I revert to short responses 

“ Are you planning too” 

“Maybe. Im saving up money” I respond 

“ Where were you headed?”

“ My ticket was to LA” 

“ Why?” He asks 

“ I was hoping to land a screenwriting job somehow” I admit 

“ You write ?” 

“ Umhmm” I murmur absentmindedly as we walk the the doorway to lukas’s apartment. It’s a slight mess, but not messy enough to blame anyone for it. It is cozy both in its decor and that it is lived in: A glass sitting on the table, blankets strewn about the couch. Thankfully, it’s nicer than your average bachelor pad. There's no beaten lazy boy or mattress on the floor that i would have expected from a man Lukas’s age. 

“Sorry its small” Says lukas sheepishly as he picks up his mess. 

“It's fine” I respond honestly, looking around a little more. It is a studio, with one bed-slash-living room and a separate kitchen and bathroom. 

“Sit down” Lukas yells from the kitchen “Do you want tea?” I sit down and ask for coffee in  
a streak of boldness. In a moment the earthy rich smell fills the house and lukas is sitting next to me with a cup of chamomile, stirring in honey 

“It’ll be ready in a minute” He smiles 

“Thank you” I replied quietly 

“So where are you from Ri’z”

“Riley” I correct

He Laughs “ My question still stands, Riley” he emphasises my name humorously 

“I'm from Ashland” 

“Wow that's WAY up north” 

I blink slowly “It's just southern oregon” 

“More north than me”

“Where are we anyway” 

“Were in Sacramento, Weren’t you paying attention” 

“No. I just got off to avoid you”

He looks hurt 

“Why you avoiding your soulmate anyway?’

Im struck like with a brick of pure terror. This is exactly why i didn't want to meet him in the first place. The fear and shame bubbles in my stomach and then comes up. For a   
second i think i might vomit but instead i laugh. Maniacally. Until tears are rolling down my face and i'm bent over because my stomach hurts too much to sit up straight. Lukas is chuckling too, but his is forced and awkward. Through my panic i consider my options. I could be honest or i could try to not hurt his feelings. I decide i have hurt him enough already. I decide to lie. 

“Oh… I don’t know” I say with an uncharacteristic smile “I guess i just got nervous” 

Lukas gives me a skeptical “Uh huh” and the coffee pot beeps. He gets up and returns after a minute to ask how i like my coffee. I am thankful for the change of subject. 

“How much sugar can i ask for before you start judging me?””

He laughs “Just give me a number”

“Four i guess”

He whistles in teasing. His “wow” Is long and drawn out but he brings me my coffee without too much comment. 

“So Ri’z…”

“Riley”

“What kinda stuff d’ya write” he asks, ignoring my interruption

“Fantasy mostly” 

“Ah! Like lord of the rings type’a deal” 

“I guess… More modern stuff though. Like urban witches and such” 

“Cool! Really really cool” He says with a nod and a big smile

“Umhmm” I respond, trying to give the impression of absent mindfulness. We fall into a silence that should be awkward, but something about lukas sipping his tea calmly as   
though he expects nothing makes me feel more comfortable than i had with another person in a long time. I sip my coffee along with him, inhaling the sweet smelly steam and i sigh. I relax and line again the back of the sofa. Softly and slowly I feel a hand sneaking over my shoulders. As soon as i feel his hand brush against the back of my neck i jolt to standing straight upright in front of the couch. I drop my coffee and i shatters as it hits the carpeting. 

Im standing stock still as lukas waves his hands around maniacally and apologizes profusely 

“Im sorry im sorry oh my god i'm so sorry i should have asked oh my god i'm so sorry” He Bumbles. At least he seems honestly regretful. But also, i wish he didn't seem so regretful. 

“Don’t touch me” i say then add “Please” 

Lukas continues his panicked shame 

“ Really it fine” I say tensely “I overreacted” 

Lukas finally stops and sighs 

“Sorry” we say simultaneously

I sit back down then stand up again “I should call my mom and.. Tell her”

Lukas nods. I walk into the kitchen and pull out my cell phone, take a deep breathe and scroll through my contacts. I select my mother and the phone rings three times before she answers. 

“Mom?” My voice shakes 

She pauses “Yes Honey” 

“So umm I kinda have news..” I'm stuttering. My mother is silent, I can practically hear her blinking confusedly. 

My voice cracks as I say it. “I met him” I say. My mother gasps and laughs cheerfully. It’s a sound so ecstatic it makes me nauseous. 

“Well, What's his name honey? What's he like? Tell me everything!” Her words tumble from the phone. 

“His names is Lukas. We’re at his house in Sacramento.” I say. My mom sighs dreamily. 

“Are you moving in?” She asks

“I don't know yet” I respond the phone falls silent and my mom sighs. She is perpetually irritated at my quiet nature. 

“Well let me know when you have things figured out” She almost-snaps-but-doesn’t 

“Mom?”

“Yes”

“I love you”

She sighs again “I love you too” 

I say goodbye and hang up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for a short chapter but i needed to post something

Lukas is curled up - feet on the couch -- with a book, when i turn around. He had put on reading glasses and leaned against a nest of pillows. He looks back at me with a smile and sets down his book on the table. 

“What’d she say” He grins 

“You're breaking your book” I say pointing at it, set down the way that ruins the spine. He raises an eyebrow and bumbles for something to use as a bookmark. He then regains himself, smiles and repeats “So what’d she say”. 

I sigh “She wants me to move in with you” I try and pull it off as something funny that we can laugh at but apparently fail because lukas is beaming. 

“That's Great” He yells with all his teeth showing. 

I stare at him “I um.. Wasn't planning too..” I mumble. He looks like a kicked puppy and i can feel my heart break. No! Bad Heart! You’re not supposed to care about him! (But you do) 

If Lukas were a dog his ears would be drooping. “Well are you gonna go home then?” He asks hollowly. His voice is lower that normal. Almost gravelly. He avoids eye contact. 

I force a smile and sit next to him. “Well i.. Don't have money for a train ticket. So i guess i can stay for a while” Lukas looks up “I mean if you’ll let me” I continue. Lukas is glowing from behind his eyes. He throws his weight onto me in a bear-hug. “Stay as long as you like.


End file.
